Thursday, June 26, 2014
Missing you so much Dad.
Most days bring a tear or two. Some days bring an unrelenting flood. OH Daddy, how I miss you. I have never had a hard time going to sleep at night. But now nearly every night, when I close my eyes, I see you as you looked in your final minutes. If I try real hard, I can block the image, only to see another, more close up as I lay my head on your shoulder and cry and say good bye. Run, run to Jesus, when you see him, say yes!! I softly hear the whisper of my dear friend, so recently, and just as suddenly, call to the side of Jesus. Joe prayed with me many times over the years for your health, your peace and most important for your salvation secured. One evening as we prayed, he told me the Lord wanted me to never give up praying for your Dad, your prayers are working. Your father is fine. That night, I hear his sweet voice again, saying, 'never give up, your prayers are working, your Daddy is fine'. I know you rest in the sweet presence of Jesus. If we truly, know one another as we did on earth, you and Mom, standing with Brenda, now praise His name together, waiting for the rest of your children. I miss you so much. When we lost Mom, all those years ago, you absorbed a special part of her, continued to love each of us in a special way, as if the very heart of Mom was dwelling inside of you. When Brenda died two years ago, a part of you died with her. You really never regained your spunk. I am sorry you suffer the loss of your first born. I miss her too. she and I shared memories that the younger kids didn't. Now I have no one to share with. We just don't have the same memories.
How we struggle here without you to be our peace maker. Each of us mourning in our own way. Each of us feeling a deeper sorrow than any other can possibly understand. We cannot even rely on each other because we are wrapped in our own selfish world of hurt and mourning.
I am sorry Dad. I drive your truck, (thank you Lee Brice) a familiar fragrance engulfs me, and I remember. Suddenly I hear your laugh. So uniquely yours. I turn but you are not there. I love your dogs, they miss you too. Funny how I know that. Sparkle cried for a long time. Tears in her eyes when I looked at her. She is doing better now. Maybe we all are. But I miss you.....